For many people, a meeting with a stranger or performance to the public – a terrible meal. In the presence of all the other elements of phobia: shyness, panic, trembling voice, heart palpitations.
Social phobia spoil life, even if we assume that this is a special personality trait. Shy people like everyone, but feel unreal in public, nervous, they want to quickly escape. And it can not be considered normal. We have prepared seven consecutive steps, with which you can, if not completely get rid of a phobia, or at least begin to feel at ease when dealing with people. But to overcome any phobia – not a quick process, and requires courage.
Learn to relax
The first element of any phobia – is a concern. It appears as if out of nowhere and starts flooding the mind. In fact, anxiety is self-suggestion that we do program ourselves, albeit unconsciously.
Before a public speech a month? Nothing to worry about. Rest of the week? It’s time to start. And all this week I am thinking only about the failure.
To avoid this, you need to prepare the soil. Find a quiet place and sit back. Please note that your muscles are tightened. This reaction to anxiety. You know that it is impossible to simultaneously relax and worry? But it’s true, so our body is arranged.
Most relax. And in any case, do not think about relaxation as a waste of time. Say: “I’m not doing anything. I wasting my minutes. ” No, you do, perhaps one of the most important things for the physical and mental equilibrium: bring their emotions in order. You may first have to relax very often. But soon it will become a habit.
Consciously seek social situations
Imagine that you live in a huge house for over thirty years. There is a room in which you have never in my life did not enter. And when you enter into it, you will experience stress and anxiety. Why? Because the more we avoid something, the deeper into the subconscious gets the idea: “It is dangerous, which is why I stay away from it.” So your brain, instead of being useful, he creates phobias and fears.
We avoid what we are afraid, and afraid of what to avoid. It works both ways. Actively look for social situations. Even if you are denied, or all cause negative emotions first, eventually the subconscious will receive the signal, “It’s okay.”
Look at the world around us
People with social phobia are focused inward: on their thoughts, emotions and sensations. Studies show that they remember less when it comes to external factors: they do not remember how the source was wearing, what color was the building, the rain came. But they may well talk about what they felt.
Those who are more likely to look at the world, experience less anxiety and stress. Being in a social situation, try to be observant:
What color are the walls?
What kind of picture hanging and what they depict?
What people are dressed?
We need to do everything possible to think less about themselves in public.
A person with social phobia thinks about what other people think about him. So instead, ask questions about them. Be curious.
Ask open-ended questions that can not be answered with “yes” and “no.” That it was not like the unprofessional interview, hear the person with interest and build new questions based on the newly obtained information. In principle, and should build good human dialogue.
Disconnect the imagination
Imagination and fantasy are perfect at the right time in the right place. In social situations, they can interfere.
So if you find yourself in the unpleasant thoughts, tell yourself: “I do not actually want to know what people think about me right now.” But more constructively, so this is something that we can influence what they think about us. But not control it.
Each person is important, what people think about him. Whatever he said. The important thing is not to dwell on it, relax and enjoy the fellowship.
What exactly do you want?
Man’s mind with social phobia needs positive instructions. Instead of thinking “I hope that is not made of the same terrible experience, like the time,” ask yourself, “How do I want to feel in these situations?”. This question seems strange, but this technique works.
It is a symbiosis of visualization, meditation, affirmations and positive thinking. If you are sad and frustrated, it is only because they themselves have decided to feel that way. Select the emotions that you need.
Have you seen a man who seemingly appears confident, but on closer inspection it is clear that he scared? He also has a social phobia. He wants to be too funny, too funny, too confident. All this compelled says that he tries to seem rather than to be.